Picky!!!!

Not to sure why this has happened but its a little fustrating to say the least. Eight months ago when we picked up Javon he would literally eat anything and a lot of it. But about a month ago he decided he doesn't like anything, in fact he will make himself throw up if you try and make him eat. I normally wouldn't worry about this but he lost 3lbs on his last DR visit. So this means he has lost almost everything he gained since being home. One would figure its probably because he just an active kid but he's far from that. He is so calm and laid back he never runs, jumps or acts like a normal 2yr old does (don't get me wrong this is fine with me) he plays quietly most days with his toys or he sits and likes to be rocked. I just worry about his weight and him needing good nutrition with his meds and such.

My sister took Javon to Target with her a couple days ago. HIS FIRST OUTTING WITHOUT ME!! Ezra decided to stay but then he cries at the door for JAJON! JAJON! JAJON! First time in eight months they had been seperated for anything. They definately have a bond. They are so cute to watch together when they aren't fighting over things of course.So that has been about all that's going on here not a lot has changed. Oh and Zylla (Eyerus) will be coming home VERY soon, we can't wait for her to be with us.

When your child misses their birth country.

It seems crazy but I believe with all my heart that my son is missing his birth country something terribly. I wear my necklace of Africa and he is always looking at it and I tell him he's from Africa he gets so happy when I talk about Ethiopia. He turns into a different child. I don't get how a 2yr old can remember things about his birth country but I will let him watch videos of Ethiopia and he shakes his head yes the whole time with a smile on his face. I asked him tonight if he wanted to go back to Ethiopia and he got so excited I swear if he could he would of packed his clothes and been ready to leave. So what do you do for a child who misses their birth country so much that they seem depresssed at times? I'm not sure at this point but videos do seem to help him cheer up some and makes the day bearable for him. I plan to make him a scrapbook he can look at when ever he wants with pictures of Ethiopia only. And who knows we may be visiting real soon anyway.

One day at a time...

I can say that each and everyday gets better. My son has really been opening up for the past week and the only thing that is different is me paying more attention to his needs then what I did before. For example a few days ago he fell off his chair and bit through his lip...OUCH!! He normally doesn't cry over things like this. Today I ran over to get him with blood everywhere and cleaned him up and I sat with him for a little bit babying him. Well after that he would purposely run into the wall and come to me to let me know he needs a kiss on his head and his knee and his arm...etc. Every since then he has been very alert to the fact that if he is hurt mom will make it better some how. He also has been laughing for me not alot but I will take anything. This process is slow but very much worth it.

On a different note....


The boys got their first haircut since being home Ezra has to have his pretty short because he is super tender headed an the comb is not his friend. Javon loves his hair and wasn't sure about us cutting it at first but he still has long curls and trust me he put his hands up there to make sure when we were finished.

Skip Forward

I talked to the counselor/Dr on Friday, so let me skip forward a couple days.








Friday night I decided to rock Javon in his room instead of the living room where everyone was. I talked to him probably about an hour instead of telling him to close his eyes it's time to sleep. He smiled the whole time I talked about everything. The next morning I heard him awake in his bed and since he never ever makes a fuss about him being awake I went in and acted completely excited that he was awake. It was like turning on a light or something he was so happy. Which our mornings have never really been the problem, its as the day goes by so it was no sign anything had worked, even though he was happier this morning. I have repeated this for four nights now and everyday he seems to be a little happier. Let me tell you why I believe this. Yesterday I was laying in bed thinking about everything, so I posted on facebook about the situation hoping someone would answer me, which they did and it was good to hear from someone who has been there done that. When I heard him awake I repeated what I have done for the past 2mornings, excited he's awake, take him potty, then go play. Only this morning I take him potty and he smiles and says "thank you" to ME. Remember this boy talks to everyone but me, true we can't understand a word he says most days but that's not the point. I take him to the rocking chair in the living room and he continues thank you, thank you, thank you, then he raises his eyebrows to make sure I understand what he's saying. This may not sound like a lot to some, when their child naturally is a loving child but to me this is huge. I hope this continues even if we have to change things up a bit and experiment.

Troubles in Adoption Paradise!!

Let me take you back six months...

After going to court for these kids I couldn't wait to return to get them. I was empty on the inside I felt like I was leaving a part of me in Ethiopia. The flight home I cried, it was so hard to leave my babies behind. Once I returned home I was determined I was going back by a certain time and I didn't care if I ended up staying awhile. Let's just say I was a crazy woman for 6 weeks. January 18 my mother and I hopped on a plane to return to Ethiopia. Longest flight of my life, seemed like time stood still and I was trapped in this uncomfortable seat. I couldn't sleep, all I wanted was to hurry up and get there. I knew my adoption fairytale was about to happen. All the blogs I read for the past 18 months we tulips and roses type stories and now my story was going to be just as wonderful or so I thought....

Most people don't like to talk about adoption troubles out of fear they may scare the parents who follow their footsteps. Or maybe they are scared they failed at parenting (I know I have) even if they have parented a child before. I'm going to tell my story in hopes it helps someone in the future to cope with a child who may throw you for a loop.

We adopted three children from Ethiopia and four months ago I picked up the two boys ages 9m and 22m at the time. My 9m old was the tulips and roses adoption story I read about, he's the happiest, most loving little boy ever. I couldn't of imagined him any sweeter,funnier, loving, ect... Then there is my now 27m old on the day we picked him up he was what I thought as sweet but now that I have come to know him a little bit better I realize he was scared. He threw temper tantrums in the guesthouse which on the inside would make my blood boil. I was trying to make it a good experience for him but with him throwing himself on the floor everytime we went downstairs was just fustrating to say the least. By the time we came home, four weeks after picking him up, these fits had stopped but in the process it created a different child, not the same child we picked up in Ethiopia. He was somewhat attached to me when he came home my guess would be because I was what he knew for the past 4weeks and he depended on me to make sure everything was good. As he grew closer to his siblings and to dad though he began to act as if he hated me.

He has always let me rock him, feed him, bath him, ect.. I did everything for him and still do after almost 5months home. The reason I say he hated me is dad can play with him and he laughs and is a happy little boy. Brother and Sisters can play and he does the same. But if mom even thinks about playing he starts to cry like I have hurt him and I was simply doing as the rest of the family was doing. Everytime we would tell him to say momma he was start to cry but he would say dadda. This makes for a momma who is almost to the breaking point and would rather the dad deal with him than for him to reject me once again. I can do nothing right in his eyes for some reason and its not good for him or me. I talked with people at the agency about it because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me, see where some people get scared to say anything I get scared our relationship is ruined because even after 5months it wasn't getting better. Their advice was to seek professional help which in my heart I knew was coming but in some ways it made me feel like I was failing if I had to bring someone in to help. Soon as I got off the phone someone on our yahoo group posted something about theraplay so I followed the link to see what it was. I was very impressed with the little bit I read so I looked up Dr's in my area and called them. They are still 5hrs away but they have giving me some ideas to start helping our relationship form such as taking more one on one time with him, and making a big fuss over every little thing he does. I need to build his confidence and his trust. Let's just hope this helps.

Why did I choose to adopt from Africa??

I'm asked this question all the time and its very fustrating. People feel that the US should always be your first choice and for some people it is. For me though I knew that my heart was in Africa I had seen pictures of children that were in this shape on tv and it breaks my heart to think that a child has to deal with these kinds of things ITS NOT FAIR

People ask weren't you afraid that your children would have hiv? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! In fact these are the very children I asked for. All children deserve love no matter what race, nationality, background, or disease they may have. People are afraid that my children will die an early death and that I will be crushed but seriously even if they were to die tomorrow I would have no regrets. I know that if they were to die tomorrow it wouldn't be from their hiv. Any of our kids can die at anytime so is that going to keep you from having kids and loving them? Just look what a little love can do for these children:

This is my princess back in May/June 2010 about 30lbs of course she has a smile but its not a true happy smile. Now this is Eyerus April 2011 about 40lbs,smiling for her momma in Ethiopia

Here's my little Yohannes 15m 16lbs so sad I was really worried about this little guy but knew that there was no way that this boy belonged with anyone else:

This is Javon (Yohannes) home 2months and 27lbs 8lbs of this was gained at home.

Then I have my little Menja:

So why did I choose Africa?

Why do you choose the things you do? Why does anyone choose anything in life? Because its what you wanted to choose. I love these kids as my own and it doesn't matter where they came from.

2 MONTHS HOME

We are fast approaching 2months home,I'm enjoying my little men each and every day. These boys are more that what I was dreaming about for the 18m it took to get them home, they are what's keeping me going these days. So at 2 months home:

JAVON (YOHANNES)

1. HIS FAVORITE SONG IS SOMETHING HIS GOOFY MOM MADE UP (SORT OF) IT GOES LIKE THIS " THERE WAS A MOM WHO HAD A SON AND JAVON WAS HIS NAME OH J-A-V-O-N, J-A-V-O-N, J-A-V-O-N AND JAVON WAS HIS NAME OH.

2. HE GIVES KISSES CONSTANTLY SO MUCH SO I HAVE TO WEAR CHAP STICK MOST DAYS MY LIPS HAVEN'T HAD THAT MUCH ATTENTION IN A LONG WHILE. LOL

3. HE HAS TO BE ROCKED TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT HE WILL NOT EVEN GO TO SLEEP WHEN WE ARE OUT LATE AT NIGHT

4. HIS SISTERS CALL HIM LIL J

5. HE GOES POTTY IN THE BIG POTTY ABOUT HALF OF THE TIME...YEAH!!

EZRA (MENJA)

1. HE'S A MOMMA'S BOY DELUXE I CAN'T PUT HIM DOWN HALF THE TIME

2. HE LOVES TO SUCK ON MY GLASS DOORS WHICH IS NOT ANY HELP BUT SUPER FUNNY

3. HE LOVES TO SING AND DANCE

4.HE CAN STAND FOR A FEW SECONDS ALL BY HIMSELF

5. HE'S AFRAID OF HIS UNCLE BEN

They finally started playing with each other but now the fight is on. They haven't figured out that their mom doesn't like fighting yet so until they learn momma is going to be going crazy. Javon is my sourpatch kid he's mean to Ezra then very sweet and charming he even helps him up after knocking him over.

Sometimes kids just connect with each other. This suprised me I didn't think Miss Haleigh would have anything to do with either boy but she has really taken to Ezra from day one and he loves her also. As you see with the suitecase in the background this is shortly after we came home.

To say I have personally had ups and downs the past month or so would be an understatement. I never in a million years would of thought that being a new parent to a 2yr old would be so hard. My boy is a good boy, we just need time to figure each other out. His personality is so different from my other children and I hope he becomes the happy go lucky child I'm used to someday. I can say that each and everyday he does something that just makes me love him a little more. He will not talk so this makes the fustration for both him and me extreme sometimes but I'm slowly learning what certain faces or body movements mean. He wants to please I can tell, everytime I scoop him up and tell him how proud I am of him he smiles from ear to ear. We will get there I know we will. For now though I will take every moody day, every mean look, every smile, laugh, shaking no of the head when I say "say momma" I will take it all because he is totally worth it. And someday I will have the child that every parent would be proud to say THIS IS MY SON! and he will have a mom that any boy would love to say THAT'S MY MOM, but for now we are a work in progress.

1 month home!

I can hardly believe it's been a whole month since we came home. All those long months of waiting longing to be with these boys. Time always seemed to just stand still and now I can't get time to wait a minute or two. In the last month the boys have had a lot of first, first plane ride 26hrs to be exact, first time to meet their brother and sisters who had been waiting forever, first time to ride in a carseat which has been going really great they love it, first time to sit in a REAL highchair where they can't run away while your trying to feed them, first time to go to the movies even if they did sleep, first icecream, the first can go on forever at this point. These boys have come a long way they love to be rocked constantly which is great but my house has went down hill and it's driving me insane.

4 days I can't believe it...

Our journey started back in March of 09 seems like a lifetime ago. When I stop and think about how far we have come it's overwhelming but seeing pictures of the kiddos that await my return makes it all worth it. We started off back in March of 09 wanting a healthy baby girl and a boy under 3 but as time went on our hearts grew and we knew that we could handle so much more. We knew that if our children were to come home and tested HIV positive we would be fine with that....so why weren't we requesting a child or children with HIV? This is the question that we asked for months before I even brought this up to Brett. The day I brought this up to Brett literally opened the best door ever for us. If it wasn't for that phone conversation we wouldn't have the beautiful children that we have now. Makes me tear up everytime I think about how these 3 children because of a virus may of never found parents to love them. Research is the only thing that convenced us 100% that this was the direction that was right for our family. If families only knew how super easy it is to control and how they can't get HIV from their positive child, I think more would leave this as an option in their adoption journey. Telling family and friends was harder than researching and learning how to deal with it after they are home. Everyone so far has been really good about it, but it may be because we refuse to let the ones who have an issue affect us and our decisions. We love these kids so much and couldn't imagine our lives without them. It's something that felt right from the beginning and once I seen my precious Menja's face I knew we made the right decision. Who would of guessed that 19 months ago I would be leaving in 4 days to pick up my 2 BOYS, and later meet my girl at the airport,remember we wanted a girl and a boy. It's funny how when you start your adoption journey you have a certain level of expectation but as time passes you realize how your expectations may not be best for your family. Right now adding an 8yr old daughter, 19m old son, and an 8m old son to our 15 yr old daughter, 12 yr old son, and 9yr old daughter is what is right for our family and I wouldn't want it any other way. So I am requesting the next 4 days to pass quickly so I can go get my BABIES.

Meeting our children

At the airport ready to get to Ethiopia to see our children. A little cheezy I know but when the kids are not with you to take the picture what are you to do?

The airport in Addis, it was crazy and I had never seen anything so crazy in my life. I didn't know what to expect after leaving the airport and quite frankly was a little worried. But all was good after the first couple days and the culture shock went away.

This boy...my kids say he's definately the baby of the family or mammas baby anyway. There is something about this boy that makes me love him so much I'm absolutely lost right now without him. Not that I don't feel the same way about my other kids but I'm telling you there is something special here. Our first meeting with him was a piece of cake. I walk in start talking to him, pick him up and POW I stole his heart he stole mine. I had to hand him to dad because if I didn't right away he wouldn't of got to hold him at all the week we were there.

Look at the picture above I was so happy to be there but our little man just didn't find us very amuzing at all. Which explains the aggrevated look on my face. No need to worry though I was expecting it and by Friday (the day we were leaving) he had warmed up to me. THANK GOD!! He is shy it will take time. The first meeting with him was a tough one all he did was look at us like we were aliens or something. He warmed up to daddy the first day more so than with me, it took all week for me.

Our first meeting with our daughter went really great. The first glimpse of her was her running down the road to get ready for us, we were so excited that we arrived early. When they were singing to us I did everything in my power to hold back the tears but then I looked at her and she has tears streaming down her face. It was finally her turn. Made my heart bust with joy I was crying the happiest cry ever (on the inside of course). She couldn't get down the stairs fast enough to come to us. Makes me cry to think about it.

Our daughters first attempt at self portrait...

I would hate to know that I was the one who had to wash these diapers everyday if not multiple times a day.

This was taken the day we were leaving I held him until he was asleep. I couldn't of left if he was awake. I didn't even take this picture I sent dad in to lay him down and take this picture.

This boy can eat....which is good since he need to gain the weight. This bread was the beginning of his lunch he also had 4oz of milk and a bowl of rice. He was very ticked at me when I thought he had enough and stopped spooning the rice in. I think the grocery bill may get bigger soon.
Shortly after this picture it was time to say goodbye.

The kids have great imaginations we got a coffee ceremony made from play doh.

It was so hard to say good bye to the kids, all of them not just the ones who will be coming home with us. I can't wait to go back.