Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Troubles in Adoption Paradise!!

Let me take you back six months...

After going to court for these kids I couldn't wait to return to get them. I was empty on the inside I felt like I was leaving a part of me in Ethiopia. The flight home I cried, it was so hard to leave my babies behind. Once I returned home I was determined I was going back by a certain time and I didn't care if I ended up staying awhile. Let's just say I was a crazy woman for 6 weeks. January 18 my mother and I hopped on a plane to return to Ethiopia. Longest flight of my life, seemed like time stood still and I was trapped in this uncomfortable seat. I couldn't sleep, all I wanted was to hurry up and get there. I knew my adoption fairytale was about to happen. All the blogs I read for the past 18 months we tulips and roses type stories and now my story was going to be just as wonderful or so I thought....

Most people don't like to talk about adoption troubles out of fear they may scare the parents who follow their footsteps. Or maybe they are scared they failed at parenting (I know I have) even if they have parented a child before. I'm going to tell my story in hopes it helps someone in the future to cope with a child who may throw you for a loop.

We adopted three children from Ethiopia and four months ago I picked up the two boys ages 9m and 22m at the time. My 9m old was the tulips and roses adoption story I read about, he's the happiest, most loving little boy ever. I couldn't of imagined him any sweeter,funnier, loving, ect... Then there is my now 27m old on the day we picked him up he was what I thought as sweet but now that I have come to know him a little bit better I realize he was scared. He threw temper tantrums in the guesthouse which on the inside would make my blood boil. I was trying to make it a good experience for him but with him throwing himself on the floor everytime we went downstairs was just fustrating to say the least. By the time we came home, four weeks after picking him up, these fits had stopped but in the process it created a different child, not the same child we picked up in Ethiopia. He was somewhat attached to me when he came home my guess would be because I was what he knew for the past 4weeks and he depended on me to make sure everything was good. As he grew closer to his siblings and to dad though he began to act as if he hated me.

He has always let me rock him, feed him, bath him, ect.. I did everything for him and still do after almost 5months home. The reason I say he hated me is dad can play with him and he laughs and is a happy little boy. Brother and Sisters can play and he does the same. But if mom even thinks about playing he starts to cry like I have hurt him and I was simply doing as the rest of the family was doing. Everytime we would tell him to say momma he was start to cry but he would say dadda. This makes for a momma who is almost to the breaking point and would rather the dad deal with him than for him to reject me once again. I can do nothing right in his eyes for some reason and its not good for him or me. I talked with people at the agency about it because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me, see where some people get scared to say anything I get scared our relationship is ruined because even after 5months it wasn't getting better. Their advice was to seek professional help which in my heart I knew was coming but in some ways it made me feel like I was failing if I had to bring someone in to help. Soon as I got off the phone someone on our yahoo group posted something about theraplay so I followed the link to see what it was. I was very impressed with the little bit I read so I looked up Dr's in my area and called them. They are still 5hrs away but they have giving me some ideas to start helping our relationship form such as taking more one on one time with him, and making a big fuss over every little thing he does. I need to build his confidence and his trust. Let's just hope this helps.

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